---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Iqbal Shaikh" <shaikh.iqbal9999@yahoo.com>
Date: Dec 18, 2013 5:24 PM
Subject: [Yaadein_Meri] SHAIDI CSTOMS
To: <Yaadein_Meri@yahoogroups.com>
From the above texts, it should be quite apparent that Shari'ah has emphasized that one should lower his gaze and try one's best to protect his or her own chastity. In occasions such as these, it is obvious to all those who attend that such commands of Shari'ah are not take into consideration and the laws of Allah Ta'ālā are thrown aside.
This does not mean that one should sacrifice one's Islamic values for the sake of another. The prophets in the past were always shunned by their close relatives because they would give preference to the commands of Allah Ta'ālā over the invitations towards evil from their families.
From: "Iqbal Shaikh" <shaikh.iqbal9999@yahoo.com>
Date: Dec 18, 2013 5:24 PM
Subject: [Yaadein_Meri] SHAIDI CSTOMS
To: <Yaadein_Meri@yahoogroups.com>
My family is putting pressure on me!
Question:
My cousin is getting married soon and 100 people of my family from Europe and Africa have come to stay in our house for the wedding. I am only going to attend the nikkah in the masjid.
The wedding ceremony and the walima will have intermingling of opposite genders and photography. So i'm not going to attend those functions and i'm the only one in the house who is not attending them. My parents are not against me they support my decision but they will attend the ceremonies and won't defend me in my decision.
The wedding ceremony and the walima will have intermingling of opposite genders and photography. So i'm not going to attend those functions and i'm the only one in the house who is not attending them. My parents are not against me they support my decision but they will attend the ceremonies and won't defend me in my decision.
The other relatives are criticizing me on my decision. Here are some of their points - Why do you go to the market for shopping then, why do you go to campus as there are mixed genders there too?
A scholar in their mosque is from Al-Azhar university of Egypt and has declared that intermingling of sexes is allowed because there was no separation between men and women.
You are going to hurt us and your cousin and his family and your grandparents if you don't come and this is against akhlaq.
If this is so much sin for you then just attend the wedding and then make taubah
Please help me regarding these points and give me answers for all of these points.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu 'alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The most difficult choices that we are faced with in life involve those that make us choose between our family and our deen. It is at these times it is important for one to exercise caution and deal with one's family in a calm and dignified manner[1].
Nowadays, traditional marriages prevalent amongst the South Asian communities involve many acts contrary to the dictates of Shari'ah and the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) such as the intermingling of men and women, unislamic customs and traditions[2], music[3], photography[4], etc. As such, it is best that you stick to your original judgment and avoid attending such gatherings[5].
In reference to the points brought up by your relatives, it is first important to understand that you are not liable to give an explanation to each of the arguments posed by your relatives, especially when your parents support your decision. In such situations, you should simply excuse yourself from attending the gathering and kindly inform your family members about your stance concerning this matter without delving into unnecessary details. Nevertheless, for the sake of clarity we shall expound on these issues and address them as follows:
(1) Allah Ta'ālā has given us a perfect religion that takes into account the needs of humanity as a whole. Those who misunderstood this concept would taunt the Muslims and ridicule them. Allah Ta'ālā himself mentions such people in the Quran who used to taunt the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and say:
مَالِ هَذَا الرَّسُولِ يَأْكُلُ الطَّعَامَ وَيَمْشِي فِي الْأَسْوَاقِ
What sort of messenger is this who eats food and walks in the markets? [Al-Quran, 11:7]
Similarly, there is (and always was) a need in society for medical doctors who can tend to the sick and ill[6], especially at times when there is an outburst of certain diseases within individual communities. Therefore, Shari'ah has allowed one to pursue the field of medicine and offer one's service at a hospital as per the need of the society.
(2) Interaction with ghairmahrams and mixed gatherings are not only contrary to the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah[7], but they also corrode the fine natural values Islam attempts to inculcate within us.[8] As a result, these gatherings also become a reason for invoking the anger of Allah Ta'ālā.[9] Allah Ta'ālā says in the Holy Quran:
قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ. وَقُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ (سورة النور، ٣١)
Say to the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts; it is more decent for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. [30] And say to the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts, and must not expose their adornment. [31] [Al-Quran, 24:30-31]
The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
كُتِبَ عَلَى ابْنِ آدَمَ نَصِيبُهُ مِنَ الزِّنَا، مُدْرِكٌ ذَلِكَ لَا مَحَالَةَ، فَالْعَيْنَانِ زِنَاهُمَا النَّظَرُ، وَالْأُذُنَانِ زِنَاهُمَا الِاسْتِمَاعُ، وَاللِّسَانُ زِنَاهُ الْكَلَامُ، وَالْيَدُ زِنَاهَا الْبَطْشُ، وَالرِّجْلُ زِنَاهَا الْخُطَا، وَالْقَلْبُ يَهْوَى وَيَتَمَنَّى، وَيُصَدِّقُ ذَلِكَ الْفَرْجُ وَيُكَذِّبُهُ
Allah has written for the children of Adan their share of zina which he commits inevitably. The zina of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the zina of the ears is to hear, the zina of the tongue is the talk, the zina of the hands is to touch (that which is forbidden), the zina of the feet is to take steps (towards that which is forbidden) and the heart wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it. [Sahīh Muslim, 2657, Book of al-Qadr (Fate)]
From the above texts, it should be quite apparent that Shari'ah has emphasized that one should lower his gaze and try one's best to protect his or her own chastity. In occasions such as these, it is obvious to all those who attend that such commands of Shari'ah are not take into consideration and the laws of Allah Ta'ālā are thrown aside.
A traditional shaadi and an Islamic lecture bear no similarity at all, especially in today's day and age. Furthermore, a lecture is limited to simply hearing a speech and requires no interaction between men and women. On the other hand, aside from intermingling with the opposite gender, traditional marriage ceremonies force one to sit in gatherings full of music, idle talk, and rusumaat (customs) that hold no basis in Shari'ah at all.
(3) The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has said:
لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ
There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the creator [Mishkah al-Masabih, 3696, Chapter of Imarah and Qadha]
It is illogical for one to please his relatives while displeasing the Creator himself. Akhlaq entails one to be kind and affectionate towards one's relatives and keep good relation with them.
This does not mean that one should sacrifice one's Islamic values for the sake of another. The prophets in the past were always shunned by their close relatives because they would give preference to the commands of Allah Ta'ālā over the invitations towards evil from their families.
(4) Allah Ta'ālā narrates the story of Prophet Yusuf (alaihis salam) and describes the rationale his brothers used in their plot to kill Yusuf (alaihis salam) as they said to one another:
اقْتُلُوا يُوسُفَ أَوِ اطْرَحُوهُ أَرْضًا يَخْلُ لَكُمْ وَجْهُ أَبِيكُمْ وَتَكُونُوا مِنْ بَعْدِهِ قَوْمًا صَالِحِينَ
Kill Yusuf or throw him in some land , so that your father's face may be yours alone, and after that you may become a righteous people. [Al-Quran, 12:9]
This concept of sinning with the intention to repent later is foreign to the teachings of Islam. If one's life is taken while one is engaged in such an act, can he be guaranteed forgiveness after having the audacity to purposely overstep the boundaries of Allah Ta'ālā? Allah Ta'ālā says in the Holy Quran:
إِنَّمَا التَّوْبَةُ عَلَى اللَّهِ لِلَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ السُّوءَ بِجَهَالَةٍ ثُمَّ يَتُوبُونَ مِنْ قَرِيبٍ فَأُولَئِكَ يَتُوبُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِمْ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا وَلَيْسَتِ التَّوْبَةُ لِلَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ السَّيِّئَاتِ حَتَّى إِذَا حَضَرَ أَحَدَهُمُ الْمَوْتُ قَالَ إِنِّي تُبْتُ الْآنَ
The relenting taken by Allah upon Himself is for those who do evil in ignorance then repent shortly there after. So, Allah relents towards them. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. And the relenting is not for those who do the evil deeds until when the time of death approaches one of them, he says, "Now I repent"... [Al-Quran, 4:7-8]
May Allah Ta'ālā keep you steadfast on your deen and grant you success in this life and the hereafter. Ameen.
And Allah Ta'āla Knows Best
Bilal Mohammad
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
With the following comments from Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (dāmat barakātuhū):
Your relatives may be fully aware of the various violations of Shari'ah while they seek your participation to support their denial of their wrong. Your persistent and gentle aversion to the wrongs will inculcate respect and honour in their hearts for your taqwā and piety. Your attitude will also serve to make them contemplate and reform their lives. The beauty and dignity emanating through taqwā always rides high.
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